Love is a ruthless game
by Itscami
Summary: Lexa's eyes were full of promises, full of love for the blonde girl but at the same time they were soaked in hurt and sadness, but Clarke loved them, she loved them unconditionally, in such a pure and simple way Lexa felt guilty. Because she didn't know how to love someone without breaking them. AU.
1. Chapter 1

**I wish I was able to love you the right way.**

She was beautiful, breathtaking beautiful, or at least she was for Lexa.

Clarke was one of those people that made you feel at home, Clarke was home for everyone who knew her and it didn't take long before Lexa felt at home too.

And she watched her, constantly, paying so much attention to all the details, almost trying to read her soul, to find out all of her deepest secrets, almost trying to drown in her blue ocean like eyes, but then Clarke's head would turn over to Lexa and she would drop her gaze because there were too many questions unanswered, and they were too heavy on the brunette girl's shoulders and they both knew it.

Lexa's eyes were full of promises, full of love for the blond girl but at the same time they were soaked in hurt and sadness, but Clarke loved them, she loved them unconditionally, in such a pure and simple way Lexa felt guilty. Because she didn't know how to love someone without breaking them - and she was damn sure she would have not, even in a million years be the one to break Clarke - she didn't know how it felt to be whole, she didn't know how to be with someone.

"I wish I was able to love you the right way" she whispered at the sleeping girl beside her, her fingers gently stroking the blonde's jaw, "I want to love you the way you deserve", Lexa watched her sleep and smiled because Clarke was so beautiful it made her happy.

Suddenly, just like every other night, after having held the sleeping girl in her arms for hours, Lexa let her go, because that was the way things should have been, and, just like it always happened, Clarke woke up, a slightly sigh leaving her perfect lips and she cried, because this routine was torture, her heart aching a little bit more every day, and then Lexa would leave a soft kiss on her forehead and Clarke would count down the seconds. Because that was all she had, three seconds in which Lexa's lips were on her, three seconds in which everything was they way she wanted it to be, three seconds that most of the times weren't enough to allay the pain but that some nights, when her heart ached so bad she would have rather died, she realised they were enough. Enough to give her the strength to handle one more day, enough to give her the strength to realise that even if all they would have ever be didn't go as far as a forehead kiss in the middle of the night, some stolen glances and sweet words whispered in the ears, she would have been fine with that, as long as Lexa would have been by her side, forever.

 **You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.**

Whenever she laughed Clarke would throw her head back and close her eyes, and it was the sweetest thing in the world for Lexa, because it made her look like a baby, and Lexa's mind began racing, thinking about a little Clarke running free in the forest she liked so much, big blue eyes and long perfect blond hair. And a smile found its way between the brunette's lips because the joy that Clarke gave her without even knowing was unimaginable for every human being.

"You know what?" The blonde asked her after laughing at a joke Lexa just made.

"What Clarke?" The older girl always took the time to say Clarke's name because she liked the way it rolled off her lips, like she was made for saying it. If she could say only one word for the rest of her life she would definitely choose her name.

"You are the best thing that has ever happened to me." She said, and she was smiling in the way that Lexa liked so much, she was smiling with her eyes and the brunette sighed because she couldn't do it, no matter how much she wished she could, no matter how much she felt for Clarke she couldn't. Because this beautiful girl sitting in front of her deserved so much more than what she could give her, she deserved so much better than a soul made of glued-back-together pieces, she deserved someone better than Lexa, she deserved someone who's edge weren't broken and burned, someone who wasn't a mess.

"Don't," Clarke said and her smile faded because she knew all too well what the brunette was thinking "don't think. Just feel, let it be." and then she smiled again "Let us be."

Lexa smiled, but her smile was sad and her eyes didn't sparkle like Clarke's "I can't."

"I know, but that won't stop me from letting you know how much you mean to me." The blond got up from her seat and watched Lexa in the eyes, blue meeting green, and she was sure she saw the brunette held her breath for a moment before giving her a side smile, and for Clarke, it felt like a kiss.

"I should go." she whispered "I'll see you again soon, I'll text you, answer me. Don't put yourself into troubles. Be safe. Say hi from me to Anya and Lincoln. Have fun. Don't worry too much." I love you she thought but those three words didn't make their way to Clarke's lips because she knew Lexa wasn't even remotely ready to hear them and she sure wasn't ready to believe them.

The brunette nodded taking in the long list of orders her friend just told her, she wanted to say I'll miss you but it came out "Maybe you'll meet a nice guy" and she hated herself because she didn't want Clarke to meet anyone, she wanted Clarke all to herself, she wanted Clarke to be hers, why was she still so afraid to love and to loved? It's been so long since.. since..

"Maybe I will." Answered the blonde and smiled but this time it didn't reach her eyes and she waved goodbye, heading out of the cafe never once turning back, and Lexa was glad because the tears in her eyes were ready to come out full force.

 **A.N.**

 **So it's my first Clexa story and my first story in general, I know it's kind of a small chapter but it's just to see if.. you know.. if you like it. So give tell what you think and I don't know, just tell me if you like it xxx Cam**

 **p.s. English is not my first language so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes. Feel free to point them out to me, I'll edit the story ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**I saw stars that shined like your eyes.**

Clarke [11:47pm] Hey

Clarke [11:47pm] Are u home yet?

Clarke [12:00am] Are u sleeping?

Clarke [1:26am] Goodnight

Lexa's phone kept lighting up with Clarke's texts and she knew she should have answered but she couldn't bring herself to do so. So instead she kept looking up at the sky, drawing invisible lines between those shining dots with her finger. Almost as if she was looking for new constellations, or maybe an answer, hidden in the stars.

"It's late, what are you doing here?" A sleepy voice brought the brunette out of her thoughts and she forced herself to look at the door "Nothing, couldn't sleep."

"It's freezing."

"I know."

"Come inside."

"They remind me of her." Lexa answered her eyes reflecting the bright of the stars as her head was right where in was minutes ago, towards the dark sky.

"Of Clarke?"

"Mmm" her almost brother, Lincoln, sat beside her, taking her hand between his

"How is she?"

"Fine. Tired, I guess. I'm hurting her." Lexa's voice broke a little at the end. She knew she was hurting Clarke she knew it for sure but she couldn't help it. She didn't know how not to.

"Then stop."

"It's not that easy, you know." The brunette eyes were glossy with tears.

"It is." Lincoln made Lexa sit in his lap, an arm circling her waist. "It is." He whispered again and placed a kiss between her hair.

Clarke [1:43am] I can't sleep. Just tell me you're okay.

Lexa's phone lighted up again and she sighed.

"Answering her texts is a good start to stop hurting her you know?" Lincoln voice was soft and Lexa sighed again and took her phone to answer.

Lexa [1:44am] I'm okay. Go to sleep, is late.

Clarke [1:44am] You too.

Lexa [1:45am] Lincoln's here, were watching the stars.

Clarke [1:45am] Tell him I say hi :)

Clarke [1:45am] The sky's awful here, you're lucky.

Clarke [1:45am] I wish I could be there.

Lexa [1:46am] For the stars?

Clarke [1:46am] For you.

Lexa's eyes smiled with a smile that didn't quite reach her lips. Clarke was amazing, and she wanted so desperately to be with her, to be hers. But she couldn't.

Lexa [1:47am] Goodnight Clarke.

The answer never came and Lexa figured Clarke must have gone to sleep. She stayed there, freezing under the stars, a little bit longer, sitting in Lincoln's laps, just enjoying the silence and the dark until her brother was too tired to keep his eyes open so she headed inside too.

Sleep was still out of reach for the brunette that kept tossing and turning in her bed, with a certain blonde occupying all her current thoughts. Her hands acted without permission and the next thing she knew she was lying in her bed with her phone between her ear and her pillow, the beeps almost lulling her to sleep.

"Lexa?" Clarke's voice was worried, with just a hint of tiredness in it.

It took an awful bunch of seconds for the brunette to answer "I saw stars that shined like your eyes." Was all she said because that was all she did while watching the stars: compare them to Clarke's eyes. "But yours are cuter." She said matter of fact.

A slight laugh filled Lexa's ear and she felt it in every part of her body "Thank you" said a quiet voice from the other part of the line, the hint of a smile suddenly appearing between the brunette's lips. And they stayed there, phone pasted to the ear, without saying another word, their breath lulling each other to sleep. That was all it took for them to drift off, and for the first time in forever Clarke didn't cry herself to sleep and Lexa had a smile on her face and everything felt right.

 **Sometimes I just try not to fall apart.**

Clarke chewed at her bottom lip as she waited in line for her coffe, it was a cold winter morning just after Christmas, and Lexa was coming back home today. They were going to spend New Year's Eve together, with a bunch of other Clarke's friend, and she was so excited for it. Spending time with Lexa was her favorite thing in the world but spending New Year with her was beyond exceptional. When her name was called Clarke took the hot coffee and headed out to the street pacing faster towards Lexa's house, the fast pacing turned into a run and by the time she was in front of the brunette house her cheeks were red and her legs hurt, but she didn't care. Trying to catch her breath she knocked on the door and waited until it flung open and she was met with a pair of beautiful green eyes.

"Hi," Clarke said smiling hard "how are you?"

"Fine, tired. You?" Lexa answered letting Clarke in, her gaze following her as the blonde walked through her house and seated on the couch.

"Good." She waited until Lexa took the seat beside her and offered her a sip of her coffe, which the brunette accepted kindly.

Hours later Clarke was lying with her head on Lexa's lap while the brunette was stroking her hair slightly umming to a song in her head. Clarke's blue eyes were glossy because everything about it felt so right and so good that it almost made her cry. Loving Lexa was never hard, she had loved her since the first time she had seen her, walking down the hallways of their college with her long brown hair tied up in braids, jeans and a sweater that was way too big for her petite body, at least by two sizes. Her head was always down, you couldn't see her face that often, let alone see her smile. But something about her was so intriguing that you couldn't take your eyes off her small figure. So Clarke didn't. And here they were. She knew everything about her, she saw her when she was happy and when she was sad, she saw her tired and angry and she loved her. Oh, God, she loved her so much.

"What's wrong?" Lexa said stroking Clarke's wet cheeks.

"Just thinking." The blond shrugged, not sure when she exactly had started crying.

"About what?"

 _How much I love you_ "Life" Clarke forced a smile.

Lexa nodded and Clarke knew she didn't believe her but she knew better than asking, and for that, the blonde was glad.

The room felt silent and Clarke took a deep breath. It was now or never.

"Sometimes I just try not to fall apart, you know?" Lexa looked down, her eyes locking with Clarke's. "Even though I am, most of the time."

"That's why you were crying? Because you were falling apart?"

"No. Because for the first time I wasn't."


	3. Chapter 3

**My head is a very dark place.**

By the time New Year's Eve swung by Lexa couldn't be more worried about the outcome of the night. Sure she had met Clarke's friend countless of times already - and some of them were actually really nice, she had to admit - but this was different. This was a party, a freaking party, and she didn't do parties, not anymore at least.

"You sure I have to go?" The brunette asked looking in her closet for something to wear.

"Of course you have to Lexa." Answered a voice coming from the phone sitting on her desk. It was Anya. Her cousin, her best friend, her sister.

"Ugh, I don't know what to wear. I don't want to go." Lexa said for the third time in less than 20 minutes falling back on the bed with her hands covering her face.

"Lex," the voice that came from the phone this time was dead serious "listen to me. You don't have to go if you don't want to okay? This is supposed to be something fun, you should have fun. If you are so nervous and you really don't want to go, because of whatever reason you have, you just call Clarke and you let her know."

"She'll be mad at me."

"She won't, she'll be upset, of course. But mad? Nah."

Lexa let out a sigh, she got up from the bed to pick up her phone and tapping slightly on the speaker circle she placed it near her ear "I don't know what to do." She whispered into the phone.

"I know baby girl. We are going to figure it out together okay?"

Lexa nodded even though she knew Anya couldn't see it so she added a quiet yes.

"Do you want to spend this night with Clarke?"

"I do." Lexa answered without hesitation.

"Do you want to spend it with her friends too?"

"Yeah. Yes." Her voice didn't sound as sure as before but she figured it was enough since Anya continued with the questions.

"Do you want to go to the party?"

Lexa didn't answer this time. The line was silent for a bit before Anya let out a loud breath and Lexa's eyes began to fill with tears. "My head is a very dark place right now." She managed to say between the tears.

"I know."

"I'm sorry. It seems like I can't get over it, no matter how much I try. It's just.. It's like.. Nothing is easy anymore, I don't know who I am anymore and it's.." Lexa's voice was breaking over every word and she was holding to her phone so hard her knuckles had become white.

"You know what? Call Clarke, she'll understand."

"I know she will, I just don't want to upset her." Tears were all over Lexa's face and she didn't even bother to wipe them away, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore.

"Lex, go to bed, take a nap. We'll deal with everything once you wake up."

"I need to call Clarke." Lexa protested.

"We'll call her later. Take a nap now and stop crying please."

"I'll try." Lexa's answer was no louder than a whisper and she hung up.

The brunette made her way to the bed and placed the phone on the nightstand. She did want to go to the party with Clarke, she wanted to go with every fiber of her being but she couldn't, she just couldn't it was too hard, too soon, too much. And with that in mind, she fell asleep, part of her wishing to never wake up again.

 **A very gorgeous mess.**

Clarke was sitting beside Lexa, gently stroking her face, pulling back hair that fell on it every now and then. She was worn out, you could tell it by just looking at her, her eyes were circled in red and puffy from too much crying and her lips were full of little red marks as if she had been biting them hard enough to make them bleed, and Clarke knew she had been doing just that.

"Lex," Clarke said softly after glancing at her watch "time to wake up."

Lexa moved but didn't wake so Clarke spoke a little louder and started stroking the brunette face again hoping to wake her up "Come on Lexy, open your eyes"

At this Lexa opened her eyes giving the blonde a confused look "Clarke?"

Clarke just smiled because she really couldn't take how beautiful Lexa was in this exact moment, puffy eyes and all.

"What are you doing here?" The brunette tried again not having her first question answered.

"Being with you." Clarke simply answered. "It's almost midnight I figured you would have wanted to be up to greet the New Year."

"Oh." Was all Lexa could say because she was really really confused. Last time she checked she was going to take a nap to calm herself down and then she was going to call Clarke to tell her she would not be able to go to the party.

Sensing the brunette confusion Clarke filled her in the situation "Anya called saying you had a break down so you weren't going to come to the party. I just put two and two together and came here as soon as possible."

"You are too good for me." Lexa said sitting up in the bed running a hand through her hair pulling them back.

"No, I'm not." Was all Clarke could answer, because it was the truth.

"Yes, you are. You shouldn't have come here, you should have gone to the party. I don't want you to see me like this. You shouldn't have come." Lexa's tone was hard almost as if she really didn't want Clarke to be there. Except she did.

The blonde was silence for a few seconds trying to come up with an answer to show the girl in front of her that she did not care about the party at all, all she wanted was to be there with her. Nothing more. So she did the first thing that came into her mind and she hugged Lexa tight. She felt Lexa tense up for a second before the brunette relaxed into her arms and hugged the girl back placing her head in the crook of Clarke's neck breathing in her scent. And Clarke smiled.

"I'm a mess." Lexa whispered between the blonde locks of the girl.

Clarke let out a silent laugh and nodded still hugging the girl tight "You sure are. But a very gorgeous mess indeed."

They stayed like that for a few moments before Lexa let go of the blonde placing a soft kiss on her cheek that made Clarke's heart beat ten times faster than usual.

"So.." Lexa watched the big smile on the blonde face and couldn't help but smile at well "What time is it?"

"Mmm, we still have ten minutes." Clarke answered getting up from the bed, stretching her hand out for Lexa to take "Let's go downstairs, I bought some wine."

Lexa kindly took Clarke's hand and followed her downstairs.

"I still think your house is too big for you to live alone." The blonde commented.

"I like it." She answered as it was an explanation enough.

"I know you do silly, it's your house." Clarke laughed as she entered the kitchen and Lexa frowned. "What's wrong?" She said placing a hand on the brunette cheek.

"I don't like you calling me silly."

To this Clarke let out a loud laugh letting her head fall backward and Lexa frowned some more.  
"You're adorable," Clarke said as her laugh came to and end and placed a light kiss to Lexa's nose. "don't frown." She added and kissed Lexa on the forehead.

"Too many kisses." She warned the blonde and Clarke stepped back awkwardly.

"S-sorry." She said and took the bottle along with two glasses and served to Lexa and herself some red wine "3 minutes" she added taking a look at her watch.

They stood there in silence until Clarke started counting down the seconds out loud "10..9..8..7..6..5.."

Lexa followed along joining the blonde "..4..3..2..1.."

"Happy New Year." Clarke said with a small smile.

"Happy New Year Clarke," Lexa answered and paused for a few seconds, looking down, then added "I - Thank you. For being here I mean."

"Always." Clarke said and she got closer to Lexa's face whispering "Just one more." before placing a loving kiss at the corner of Lexa's mouth.

 **A/N**

 **So guys, this is the third chapter and I have a few ideas on how to continue this story. I'd love to know what YOU think of it. I know I'm not so good at writing but I hope you can enjoy it anyway. Let me know something, even if it sucks! Just give me some feedback ;)**

 **xxx Cam**


	4. Chapter 4

**I never meant to hurt you.**

The next morning Lexa found herself lying in her bed, in nothing more than a t-shirt and panties. Judging by the light that came from the window it was no later than 9am and Lexa wondered just how she managed to sleep that much, she was a very morning person, she usually got up around 7am every morning. Sleep just wasn't her thing, especially because of the nightmares that haunted her down throughout the whole night. But not today. She got up from the bed and headed down the stairs, as soon as she stepped into the living room she was met with a drop dead gorgeous blonde lying on her couch. Her hair were all over the place and she was still fully dressed. If sleeping with jeans was uncomfortable she surely didn't give it away. Lexa quietly made her way to the kitchen and started making herself breakfast, she made some extra coffee figuring it would be highly appreciated by the blonde once she decided to come back from the dead, she poured herself a cup and placed the one for Clarke on the table near the couch before heading back upstairs.

Lexa was sitting in her bed reading a book when a voice suddenly made her jump on her feet, book falling to the floor with a huge smash.  
"Thanks for the coffe."

"Fuck Clarke. You scared the shit out of me." Lexa grabbed the book from the floor and placed it back on the bed, while a hand was rested near her heart as she was trying to catch her breath.

"Language." Clarke said serious.

"Pft I'm a big girl you know?"

"Yeah you are," the blonde chuckled "good morning."

"Good morning to you sleepyhead." Lexa smirked "Was my couch comfortable?"

"I bet your bed was better but it wasn't that bad." She winked at the brunette and smiled.

"So.." Lexa said sitting at the edge of her bed "I wanted to thank you for yesterday. For showing up and for staying with me."

Clarke smiled again "You already thanked me and it really is no problem, I think you know I highly enjoy spending time with you." The blonde remarked the last words and Lexa noticed it but didn't comment.

Her relationship with Clarke really was one of a kind. They met when she was at her third year of college and Clarke was just starting out. Lexa sure noticed the blonde girl walking around campus, how couldn't she, Clarke was, and still is, beautiful, but that was all that she did, admire from a distance, because there was no way Lexa could talk to her, she couldn't. It was wrong. But then life happened and Clarke was all over Lexa, and as much as the brunette tried to avoid it, the blonde managed to break down all of her walls and here they were. Even if it was still so damn wrong.

"Earth to Lex." Clarke said snapping the brunette out of her thoughts.

"Yeah, sorry. Were you saying something?"

"No I wasn't." Clarke smiled slightly and Lexa mirrored her face.

Sometimes all she wanted was to kiss Clarke, to feel her lips pressed against hers, but then she'd realize it wasn't right, that it could never happen so she'd push that thought at the back of her head and force herself to think about something else.

"I need to go." Clarke said sadly "Winter break will end soon and I need to study."

"Yeah sure, don't worry." Lexa followed Clarke to the front door and held it open for her "See you soon Clarke." she said and Clarke smiled and nodded her head.

Before the blonde could actually leave the house Lexa leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to her forehead counting down three seconds knowing Clarke would be counting it too. It was her way of showing all she didn't have the courage to say. She knew it wasn't enough, not for her and surely not for Clarke but it was all she had and it was all she could give.

Stepping back she took in Clarke face and it broke her heart to see the tears that were fight to fall from the blonde eyes. She was glad Clarke understood exactly what that kiss meant but the way she cried every time she kissed her made her want to stop doing it. "I'm sorry" she whispered and placed her forehead to Clarke's "I never meant to hurt you." She added closing her eyes.

 **I wanna be with you.**

Clarke was sat in the passenger seat of Lexa's car, they had been out for lunch and now Lexa was taking Clarke back to her house because she really needed to study, she was intelligent but good grades meant she had to do a lot of studying, being intelligent wasn't enough.  
As Lexa drove down the streets the blonde was changing through the stations to find some cool music to listen to.

"Oh I love this song." She exclaimed turning towards Lexa.

"Really? Taylor swift?" The brunette raised her eyebrow in question.

"Yeah. So what? She's cool."

Lexa laughed and shook her head in amusement as Clarke began singing out loud.

"'Cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile." The blonde turned towards Lexa again and kept singing "Get me with those green eyes, baby." She smiled and winked at Lexa who was waiting for the light to turn green and was currently watching her.

Lexa laughed some more and Clarke heart filled with happiness.

"I love that." She said unable to hide her smile.

"What?"

"Your laugh. Is the most beautiful sound in the world."

Lexa turned her eyes to road again "You're so cheesy, is unbelievable."

"What can I say, you bring out the best in me." Clarke kept her eyes fixated on Lexa as the song kept playing.

"You're staring Clarke."

The blonde smiled and singed the lyrics of the song once more, smiling slightly, because it was like they were made exactly for her "I'm captivated by you, baby, like a firework show."

Lexa shook her head and rolled her eyes with a smile.

"See? Taylor Swift is just cool like this."

Lexa stopped her car and turned it off looking at Clarke "We're here."

"Wanna come in?"

"You need to study."

"I wanna be with you." Clarke knew things like this usually scared Lexa off but she said it anyway because it was the truth.

"I.. Um.." As she imagined the brunette looked taken aback, suddenly unsure on what to do.

"It's okay Lexa. Just come in please." She watched the older girl in the eyes silently praying for a yes and when Lexa nodded she couldn't help but smile big. She loved this girl.

Once inside the house Clarke took off her shoes and went to sit on the couch motioning for Lexa to join her. "We can watch some TV."

On hour into the film Lexa was lying on the couch her head on Clarke laps while the blonde was stroking her face gently up and down. The brunette usually didn't let Clarke be this loving with her so when Lexa asked to lay down on her laps she didn't hesitate a second to answer yes.

"Clarke?"

"Um?" The blonde kept running her fingers up and down Lexa's face eyes fixated on the screen.

"I think I am in love with you."


	5. Chapter 5

**I think I am in love with you.**

"Clarke?" Lexa's heart was pounding hard against her chest, she didn't even know why she was saying this, she just couldn't take it anymore it was too much, too many feelings, she needed to let them out. She figured once the words were out of her mouth she could just get up and leave and never turn back. That was a good solution.

"Um?" She heard the blonde answer. The way her fingers stroked her face gave her chills. She took a minute to just enjoy the way Clarke's hands felt against her, the way she would just let Lexa lay down on her without complaining. She closed her eyes and tried to memorize everything about the blonde because she knew, as soon as she'd say this, nothing would ever be the same.

Lexa took a deep shaking breath as her eyes started to fill with tears "I think I am in love with you." She said and she waited, feeling Clarke froze under her, her fingers just an inch away from Lexa's face. She could feel her own tears streaming down her face creating a wet spot in the blonde's jeans.  
"I- I am- I just-"

"Don't please. Don't say you're sorry." Lexa couldn't see Clarke face but she could hear the smile in her voice. And there was indeed a big smile on Clarke's face.

Lexa clenched her jaw and got up sitting beside Clarke rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand, suddenly she was angry, angry at herself for not being able to hide her feelings any longer and angry at Clarke, for simply being Clarke, for being that beautiful and loving girl she was. It was wrong she shouldn't have said it, Clarke shouldn't have been this nice to her. Why was Clarke always this nice to her? It made everything so damn hard. Lexa's mind flung back to almost a month ago when the blonde showed up at her apartment for the new year because she didn't want to go to the party. Everything about her was so perfect. She was suddenly taken aback when she felt Clarke's arms around her.

"I know it's hard for you. I know, okay?" She whispered in her ear "I understand it, I accept it. I realize these feelings are sometimes too much for you after all that happened with your parents, I understand it might be too much. But I'm here."

Lexa was overwhelmed with her love for this girl and as much as she fought against it, her upper lip began trembling and the tears started making their way down Lexa's cheeks.

Clarke lifted her hands and rested them gently on the brunette face "Look at me Lex," She said searching for the older girl's eyes "look at me."

And green met blue.

"Don't cry. I am here. I'll be by your side and I'll be your friend as long as you need me to. The way we are now, it doesn't have to change," Lexa thought that maybe Clarke could read her mind "not for now, not for a long time if you are not ready. I can handle it. I will handle it. I'll wait for you."

At this point Lexa was sobbing uncontrollably, she really couldn't handle everything, flashbacks of her parents were now filling her mind, the screaming, and crying, the fear, the sadness, the loneliness.

"Shh Lexy," Clarke said placing the brunette head over her chest, one arm over her waist keeping the girl close to her "breath."

But Lexa couldn't breathe. Her heart was heavy on her chest and everything hurt, she couldn't remember how to take a breath or maybe she didn't want to, she wasn't sure, because then and there, die seemed to be the best option. Or at least the easiest one.

"Breath for me baby." Clarke's voice was a distant echo and she wanted to disappear.  
"Open your eyes, Lexa! Open them! Look at me! Damn Lexa!"

The voice was distant and angry and Lexa felt someone shaking her, a firm grip on her shoulders. Her parents were screaming and crying and blaming themselves and she was standing there wishing she could have been a better daughter, wishing she could have loved boys the way she loved girls. She was standing there in front of her parents wishing to be normal.  
Suddenly her father hit her and her eyes snapped open but instead of her father's eyes, she was met with a pair of beautiful blue eyes filled with tears and a very scared Clarke.

"Oh thank God." the blonde whispered as if it was a prayer and maybe it was.

Lexa was still finding it pretty hard to breathe but she at least could manage it better than before. She took Clarke's hair that had fallen on her forehead and placed them behind her ear "I'm sorry," she said and placed her hand on the blonde cheek "I didn't mean to react like this." Lexa wasn't even sure why she reacted that way to Clarke's words, one moment she was angry at herself, angry at the beautiful girl sitting in front of her and the next she was angry at her parents for leaving her, for leaving her feeling guilty and ashamed of her emotions, ashamed of who she loved, ashamed of being herself.

"Don't you ever do that again! Don't you ever try to scare me again like this!" Clarke was yelling as the tears streamed down her face "Never again, Lexa! Never!" Anger left her features and they were replaced by relief. Clarke hid her face in her hands and took long deep breaths. Everything was silent for a few minutes as the girls tried to calm themselves down.

Lexa was the first to break the silence. "It was one hell of a conversation." She joked trying to light up the mood but Clarke just shrugged in response.

"Listen to me Clarke," Lexa had once again gone back to her stoic mood "I shouldn't have said what I said. I know it was impolite for me to say such a thing knowing how you feel about me and knowing exactly that what I was about to say would have changed nothing between us."

"Really Lex?" Clarke snapped back at the brunette "Are you hearing yourself talk? 'It was impolite to say such a thing' such a thing Lexa? You told me you loved me, are you really trying to downplay that? Nice."

Lexa's heart was breaking in two hundred million pieces but she couldn't do anything about it. Fight with Clarke and let the blonde realize she wasn't worth her time was the best shot at happiness Lexa could give to the blonde. So she kept fighting letting the girl know she did regret what she had said, that it was just a moment of weakness and that she didn't want Clarke to wait for her because nothing was ever going to happen between them. So they kept fighting and Lexa's heart kept breaking until Clarke was asking or better demanding for the brunette to "go the hell out" of her apartment. And Lexa did. Because she loved her and sometimes loving someone meant letting them go. So she let Clarke go because that was what the girl needed: to be free so she could meet someone who would take care of her and love her at any given moment, Clarke needed someone who wasn't Lexa because Lexa did nothing but break her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Please come back to me.**

"Everything hurts O' I swear I can't breath," Clarke said crying, her head buried in her best friend chest "I just want to be with her, I just want her. Please, Octavia."

Her friend stroked her head trying to comfort the blonde "I know darling I know." She placed a light kiss on her hair "I don't know when or how but it's all going to be okay. You two are going to be okay. I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep." Clarke sniffed, tears still tracing lines down her cheeks.

It had been almost three weeks since she asked Lexa to leave and she had yet to hear from the girl. It was killing her. She didn't care about everything that happened she just wanted her Lexa back. She wanted to hug her, to see her smile, to steal her one or two kisses and see the face she'd make because Clarke knew the brunette enjoyed them even if she didn't want to admit it. She just wanted her back because her absence was heavy in Clarke's life and she couldn't do anything but exist in it, alone.

"Have you texted her?" Octavia's voice broke the silence.

"No.. I-I wanted too, but what if she doesn't answer?"

"Then I'm gonna kill that bitch."

Clarke half laughed at her friend statement "Don't be like this. She had it rough."

"So did you," Octavia said placing her hands on both sides of the blonde face forcing her to look into her eyes before going on with her speech "but it doesn't mean she can be an asshole. Look at you now, crying on the couch because you want her back even tho she treated you like crap. I know some pretty horrible stuff happened to her but she didn't have any right to make you feel like this."

Clarke nodded slowly "I keep thinking I am not good enough for her." Tears started to build up again in her eyes "I always felt like I was doing something wrong."

"You're doing nothing wrong and you are good enough. Believe me Clarke you are way more than enough."

"I just want her back in my life you know? Mess and all, I just want her. I don't care about anything else."

"You fell pretty hard for the girl uh?" Octavia smirked.

"As if you didn't know."

"You should text her." Octavia said getting up from the couch and reaching for her friend phone throwing it towards the blonde.

Clarke raised an eyebrow wondering why her friend was so anger to get her to text Lexa but she gave in quickly and took her phone opening the conversion with the brunette.

"I'm going to go. I have somewhere I need to be. Love you tell me how it goes." Octavia said and was out of the blonde apartment before she got the chance to answer.

Clarke stared at her phone typing and erasing words contemplating on what she could write. She didn't want to seem desperate but, at the same time, she did want Lexa to know she missed her and just wanted her back. She kept staring at her phone for several minutes before opting for the truth.

Clarke [5:47pm] Please come back to me.

She didn't even care she sounded desperate, she was. The blonde stared at her phone for what felt like an eternity before it lighted up with Lexa's name.

Lexa [5:55pm] I'm sorry, I've been a bitch.

Clarke [5:55pm] I don't care.

Lexa [5:56pm] Dinner?

Clarke [5:56pm] Yes, please.

Lexa [5:58pm] I'll pick you up in 30 minutes.

Clarke [5:58pm] Can't wait xx

Clarke's smile was so big her cheeks started hurting but she didn't care. Her face was still wet from all the tears she shattered but knowing she would go out with Lexa, her Lexa, made everything better.

 **I messed up.**

Lexa was driving towards Clarke house her heart beating fast against her chest. She knew the blonde wasn't mad at her but she could help but feel guilty. She messed up royally and she needed to fix this mess as soon as possible. She did give Clarke time to think about what happened that's why she never texted or called her, even tho she wanted to do it badly. One time she even sat in her car outside Clarke apartment unsure about what to do: go to her or ran away. At the end she ran away. because that's what she always did. But she was so tired of it.  
It had been almost 10 minutes since she got there and Lexa was still standing in front of Clarke's door too afraid to even knock. It was getting late she had told Clarke she was going to be there in 30 minutes and almost 40 had passed already, she knew she needed to knock but she could bring herself to do so, instead, she sat down on the pavement, her back pressed against the wall watching the door.  
Her phone began ringing and she jumped a little scared by the sudden interruption. It was Clarke. Lexa hesitated, she couldn't answer because then she had to tell her she was just outside her apartment but she couldn't not-answer either.  
Just as fast as her phone began ringing it stopped and the front door flung open to show a very curious, and beautiful, Clarke.

"What are you doing here?"

"I-It's-I" Lexa tripped over her words "I couldn't bring myself to knock." She expected Clarke to laugh at her or to make some kind of funny remark about it instead she just nodded and sat beside her as she could exactly tell how Lexa felt.  
"I'm sorry," Lexa whispered and placed her head on Clarke's shoulder. "nothing I said was true. Except that I love you. That was, with a doubt, true. It wasn't how I wanted to tell you, though. I wanted us to be together and I wanted it to be special." The brunette let out a loud breath "I messed up."

"You did." Clarke said truthfully and she felt Lexa froze a little beside her so she added "But that's normal, everyone can mess up. That doesn't make you a horrible person."

"Well, I'm still sorry and I hope you can forgive me. I missed you, " Lexa took Clarke hand that was rested on her knees "I missed you so much." She interviewed their finger and brought their hands to her mouth placing a light kiss on the back of Clarke's one. She couldn't see it but she could tell Clarke was smiling.

"I missed you too." The blonde said and squeezed Lexa's hand.

After several minutes of just sitting together, enjoying each other company again, Clarke broke the silence suggesting to eat.

After dinner, Lexa took Clarke back to her apartment following their own heartbreaking routine. She held the girl until she fell asleep and kissed her forehead for three seconds. As she was walking away she felt someone grab her wrist and pull her back.

"What's wrong Clarke? I thought you were sleeping."

The blonde placed her forehead on Lexa's and locked her fingers behind the girl neck "I love you too Lexa." She whispered and smiled burying her face in the crook of Lexa's neck "Forever." she added and let go of the brunette who kissed her temple before disappearing out of the door.


	7. Chapter 7

**You don't have to check on me.**

"So you'll give it a try?"

"Mmmm" the brunette shrugged off the question and kept her eyes fixated on the video game.

"Gosh, Lexa don't be like this come on! You're telling me you're actually giving a shot at being with Clarke and then you don't answer my questions? I swear I'm going to turn that shit off!" Lincoln stated.

Lexa paused the game and turned towards her friend "First of all don't you try to turn it off I'm about to fishing this level, it took me forever to actually get where I am, so you turn it off and I kill you." she half smirked and went on "And second of all, I didn't say I was giving me and Clarke a shot, that's what YOU said. I just told you what happened."

"Still.. you told her you loved her, twice, and you went to her apartment and took her out to dinner."

"I always take her out to dinner." Lexa snapped back.

Lincoln raised his eyebrows glaring at Lexa.

"What?! We're friends, there's nothing wrong in going out together. And stop with this shit okay? I don't want to talk about it." Lexa ordered.

"As you wish commander."

"Ugh, I hate that nickname." She mumbled as the pressed play to her video game.

Lexa did want to give her and Clarke a chance, she wanted it more than anything and with what she not-so-accidentally told the blonde it was safe to say Clarke knew how she felt. Part of Lexa thought probably Clarke already knew it but still… The brunette couldn't wrap her mind around what Clarke had said to her the night before, she knew the blonde loved her but hearing that made her want to dance around the house like a fool. When Clarke told her she loved her everything inside of Lexa calmed down. Every bad though she had, every fear, everything fell into place, and for a moment nothing hurt anymore.  
She wanted to feel like this forever.

"Your girlfriend's calling you." Lincoln said grabbing Lexa's phone and pressing the green button "Hey, Lincoln's here Lexa's playing so-" he was cut off by Lexa who took her phone and glanced madly at him, bringing the device to her ear.

"Hey Clarke," she breathed "sorry." Lexa heard a muffled laugh from the other side of the phone and couldn't help but smile.

"Just wanted to know if you were okay." Clarke said, shyness detectable in her voice.

Now it was Lexa's turn to laugh "You don't have to check on me you know? But I'm fine thanks."

"I know I just wanted to hear your voice."

Lexa rolled her eyes and smiled "Stop being so cheesy."

The blonde laughed and signed as the line went silent for a couple of seconds.

"Clarke?" Lexa glanced at Lincoln and found her way out of the room, she's didn't need anyone to know what she was about to say.

"Yes, Lexa?" Clarke's voice was curious.

"I'll be back home tomorrow and.. I was thinking... If you want... You can say no if you don't want to... But I... You know sin-"

"Breathe Lex. It's okay." Clarke's voice was soft into the brunette ears and her eyes filled with tears. She was overwhelmed with her feelings for this girl, so many emotions were fighting inside her just waiting to take over her body and her mind. After a few seconds of silence, a sob escaped her lips and her hand flew to her mouth trying to keep it closed.

"Lexa baby," the blonde whispered "don't cry, it's all right. Just go to your room I'll be there as soon as possible."

"You don't- you don't have to. It's- it's o-okay." Lexa was sobbing loudly.

"I'm in the car right now. Just breath for me. I'm coming. I need to hang up, you'll be okay?"

Lexa couldn't get a word out of her mouth without choking in her own tears so she just made a weird sound hoping it was enough.

"Go be with Lincoln don't stay alone. See you soon." Clarke hung up and Lexa couldn't even breath anymore.

 **I won't break you.**

"She's upstairs, second door to the right" Lincoln said to Clarke who just speeded upstairs without even saying hi. It took her 40 minutes to get there, she sure as hell broke too many speed limits but she didn't really care. As soon as she was in front of the room she figured must have been Lexa's, she took a deep breath and open the door to find a very worn out Lexa lying in a fetal position on her bed, the tears were gone.  
Clarke didn't say anything she just lied next to the brunette and made her turn around, allowing Lexa to hide her head in her chest. They stayed there, interwoven, for the longest time.

"You shouldn't have come here." Lexa stated, not letting go of Clarke.

"I shouldn't have done a lot of things but guess what I did them anyways."

Lexa rolled her eyes and a small smile appeared on her lips.

"I'll tell you this again Lexa," Clarke started to stroke the brunette hair lovingly "I want to be with you, I want to make sure you're alright and if you're not, I want to help you. I want to take care of you. Okay? Stop pushing me away."

"I really want to do that, but every time I try to take things forward everything comes back and takes over my mind. I can't do this anymore, I'm so tired Clarke."

"Then let it go, let them go. It's the only way." The blonde kissed her head "I'll be with you."

"I wanted to ask you on a date." She said but it was almost a whisper and Clarke didn't quite catch what the brunette was telling her.

"What?"

"I wanted to ask you on a date. With me. Tomorrow." Lexa said and her cheeks turned a dark shade of red as she waited for Clarke answer.

"I would love to." She answered as she kissed Lexa's forehead.

The brunette signed and Clarke knew exactly what she was thinking "You have to get used to a few kisses. I'm planning on doing this a lot."

Lexa closed her eyes and nodded. Her head still buried in Clarke's chest.

The blonde smiled and kept playing with the older girl's hair just enjoying the moment. She was so happy about this situation, she knew in was hard for Lexa but she planned on making sure she was happy and loved and just... Good.

"You sure you can handle me?" Lexa said "I can be a bitch most of the times and I might break down crying just because some memories are taking over my mind. I don't want you to feel lik-"

"Shut up." Clarke laughed and got up taking Lexa with her. As soon as she was standing she took the brunette hands and said "I, Clarke Griffin, want to be your girlfriend more than anything in this world. And I promise to take care of you and to stand by your side for as long as you allow me to. I promise to wipe your tears when you cry and to make you laugh when you're sad." Clarke placed her hands on Lexa's cheeks and smiled at the girl "I promise we can figure it out together. You just tell me what you want and how you feel and we can go on from there. Do you want to take it slow? We'll take it slow. Just give me a chance to show you we can be something more than just friends." The blonde took a strand of hair that had fallen from Lexa's braids and placed it behind her ear. She stroked her cheekbones and whispered some more "Let me love you, Lexa."

Clarke searched in those green eyes trying to find an answer but there wasn't. They were looking at something behind her and she was clenching her teeth, her eyes were wet and she figured Lexa was trying not to cry.  
She began to rub the brunette's arms slowly up and down trying to calm her. She wanted so desperately to know what was going on in that mind of hers. It was always like this with her, one step forward and two steps back, but she didn't care, she fell for this girl and she wanted to show her that sometimes love is good and it can be beautiful.

"Okay." The brunette said after a while "Okay. We can try but I don't want to tell anyone. I want this to stay between you and me."

Clarke nodded realizing why the girl wanted to keep this private. "I won't break you."

"What?"

"I know why you want to keep this private, so if it goes wrong nobody knows it and they don't have to know you're suffering. But I won't break you, Lexa. I promise."

"I know, that's why I-" Lexa stopped mid sentence and Clarke realized she couldn't say I love you for the third time, it was too much for the girl who never showed her feelings

"That's why you are you."

The blonde smiled because Lexa was beautiful and then she couldn't take it anymore. After more than a year of being in love with this girl she couldn't be away from her any longer, so she prayed this wouldn't destroy everything and lead in. As soon as her lips found Lexa's she felt the girl shiver but neither of them pulled back. The kiss was soft, gentle and loving. When Clarke pulled back she realized Lexa had tears streaming down her face and her eyes were soaked with love for the blonde girl.

"I'm afraid." The brunette whispered never taking her eyes off of Clarke's.

"I know. But we can figure it out together." Clarke wiped away her tears and Lexa nodded.

 **A/N**

 **Chapter 7's here!**  
 **First of all I want to thank everyone who read, favorited, reviewed or followed this story. It means so much to me, you can't even imagine, so really, thank you** ** _so much_** **.**  
 **So, what do you think happened to Lexa? I'm going to tell her story but I wanted to know what you think ;)**  
 **I was thinking about doing three more chapters before ending the story, so I'll make it a ten chapter story and I think is good, don't you?**  
 **Oh and are you enjoying this story? What would you like me to change? What would you like to see? Tell me something ;)**

 **Much love**

 **Cam xx**


	8. Chapter 8

**But you are my babe.**

Clarke was kissing Lexa softly, her hands gripped the brunette t-shirt almost as if she was afraid she could slip away for her.  
Their date had been amazing, but then again everything with Lexa was amazing.  
Lexa had taken Clarke to this beautiful and super expensive restaurant to which Clarke complained it was too much and she should have taken her somewhere cheaper, that she didn't need all of this, she just needed her. But Lexa shook her head and placed a kiss to Clarke's forehead "I want to do this the right way," she said taking Clarke's hand "and don't worry I'll pay."

"You don't have to." The blonde then answered truthfully.

"I know, I just want to."

They decided to not tell anyone about their relationship at least for a while.  
Clarke, truth to be told, was dying to tell her friends but she respected Lexa's wishes so she kept it to herself.

"Clarke?" Lexa whispered breaking the kiss.

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

Clarke didn't ask for what she was thankful because she knew Lexa's answer would have been 'for everything' so she just smiled and kissed her again, this time, more forcefully trying to express all the love she felt for this girl.  
They stayed there, kissing, for hours just enjoying each other's lips and touch, like nothing in the world mattered most, and maybe they were right.  
Every now and then Clarke would slip her hands inside Lexa's shirt but the brunette was quick to grab them and pull them out of under her shirt placing them in a safer place. Clarke would apologize and say her hands had a mind of their own and Lexa would laugh and shook her head.

"Please babe," Clarke said holding Lexa's jaw in place with her fingers and giving her the puppy dog face.

"Don't babe me, Clarke." She said getting up from the couch to get the blonde a glass of water to which Clarke sighed happily letting herself fall backward on the couch.

"But you are my babe." She shouted a little to get Lexa to hear.

"I am not, I am Lexa."

"And my babe." She got up from the couch to take the water Lexa had brought her "Thank you Lexy baby" she said smiling and trying not to laugh.

Lexa laughed and rolled her eyes "What's with you and all the nicknames today?"

Clarke shrugged and smiled some more "I just like them."

Lexa mirrored her face and took her hand making the girl sit on the couch with her "Come here." The brunette whispered before placing her lips to Clarke's.

Clarke was happy, unimaginably happy because it felt right, and good and just amazing. She knew they still had a long way to go but this was a great way to start.  
She felt a yawn escaping her lips and mouthed into Lexa's lips "Take me to bed." to which the brunette nodded gladly. Usually, Clarke wasn't this needy but for today she just wanted to let Lexa take control.

For the first time ever Lexa didn't hold her and Clarke didn't cry, instead, they laid face to face holding each other like life depended on it. Lexa didn't go home and didn't kiss her forehead for three seconds, she stayed there all night and whispered an I love you to the sleeping girl next to her.

 **Loving you makes breathing easier.**

It had been almost two weeks since Lexa and Clarke had decided to give it a try and from the outside, everything was perfectly alright. And it was in fact. Well, at least most of the time. Lexa's head was still a dark place and even tho she tried to push the bad thoughts aside some days she just couldn't win against them. Today was one of those days.

"Lexy?" Clarke was laying on the couch and Lexa was on top of her, her head placed on Clarke's chest.

"Mmm?"

"You're thinking so hard I can see your mind work, relax." She stroked Lexa's hair softly.

The brunette raised her head just enough to place a kiss on Clarke's jaw before laying back down.

"You want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Okay baby." Lexa was glad Clarke knew better than to push her on this topic, she didn't need to talk she just needed someone who could hold her until she felt better, pretty much like Clarke was doing.

"I hate when you call me baby or babe it kills my commander vibe."

"You don't have a commander vibe around me, you are pretty much an adorable cupcake when we're together." Clarke laughed and Lexa felt it in every part of her.

"I am," She admitted "and I'm not even sorry."

"Good, don't be." Clarke stroked her hair some more and Lexa sighed content. It was true, she was soft around Clarke and she loved it. With Clarke was the only place where she was comfortable enough to let her guard down and it was amazing and scaring at the same time.

She didn't let anyone in since that day, she didn't want anyone to know how broken she was or how hard it was to wake up every morning, she didn't want anyone to see her soft side, her scared side. She didn't want anyone to know she had emotions. But then Clarke came and she didn't ask to be let it she just stormed inside her life, breaking down all her walls one by one, exactly like a perfect storm. And she was. Perfect I mean.

"Stop thinking, you're going to give yourself a panic attack." Clarke's voice brought Lexa back to real life and she felt the girl play with her fingers before kissing her hand softly "I love your hands."

"You're weird." Lexa laughed and before she could hear Clarke answer properly her thoughts had claimed her again.

She was glad Clarke had found her that day and that she hadn't given up on her when things got hard.

She felt Clarke trace the line of her spine and suddenly the voice of her father screamed in her ears 'It's wrong' Lexa tensed up immediately and placed her head in the crook of Clarke's neck trying to steady her breath.

"Baby." Clarke breathed out and placed a comforting hand on her head.

"I'm fine." Lexa whispered, "It's just hard not to think about them today." tears were already fighting to come out.

"I know Lex, I know."

"It's not wrong," Lexa said raising her head to look at Clarke, green meeting blue "what we have, it's not wrong. Right?"

Clarke eyes softened at the sight of Lexa face "It's not wrong." She cupped the brunette face with her hands "It could never be wrong, love is never wrong."

"I know but.." She couldn't even finish her sentence that tears were already falling from her eyes. "I can't stop thinking it's my fault you know? If it wasn't for me, if you know if I was" she paused pondering on her next word "normal, then nothing would have happened."

"Don't." Clarke said getting up in order to be sitting on the couch bringing Lexa with her "Listen to me. It is not your fault, in any way, you had no control over it, it was an accident, a bad accident, but it was an accident nonetheless and it wasn't your fault." Clarke wiped some tears away from Lexa's face "You are normal, and amazing, and beautiful. Who you love doesn't define who you are. It never will. Who you love wasn't the reason your parents got killed, the reason your parents got killed was a drunk asshole. Got it?"

Lexa wanted to believe it more than anything but Clarke wasn't there when she told her parents 'I like girls the way I should like boys' she wasn't there to hear the screams of her father saying he was ashamed of her, asking himself what was wrong with her, why was she doing this to them. She wasn't there to see her mother cry thinking she had failed at being a good mom. She wasn't there, but Lexa was.

Lexa got her parents killed.

Lexa made her parents so angry they had to get out of the house, she got them so angry they felt the need to get in the car to get as far away from her as possible, she got them so angry they weren't able to see the car that was about to hit them, she got them so angry they ended up dead.  
She was now sobbing uncontrollably it had been two years and she still couldn't get over it. She wanted Clarke, she wanted to be with her but loving girls was what got her parents killed and she wasn't sure she could do this. Her father was right, it was wrong, she loved girls and they died it has to mean something.

"Lexa, baby, please." Clarke held Lexa's face in her hands "Don't do this to yourself."

"Maybe I deserved to die, instead of them, you know?"

Clarke was feeling helpless "No." Was all she managed to say. "You don't deserve to die, and they didn't deserve to die either they just did and as hard as it is you need to accept it, you need to keep living your life even if it hurts because that's what they would want for you. They might have been angry but they loved you, they loved you so much. I know you feel like you can't breath most of the time but you need to keep living because one day it won't hurt so much, one day it will hurt only a little and you'll be safe and your heart will be safe and everything will be fine." Clarke was now crying because she loved Lexa so much, she just wanted to make her feel okay.

"Loving you makes breathing easier." Lexa admitted.

Clarke smiled and kissed her with everything she had and for a short moment, Lexa's mind went silent. Her thoughts stopped. And it was heaven.

Clarke broke the kiss and hugged Lexa tight and she felt at home because Clarke's arms where her safe place in a world that wasn't safe.

 **A/N**

 **I'm sorry it took so long for me to update, I had write's block. I knew what to write but I just couldn't figure out how to write it. Anyway, I hope the way I wrote it makes justice to Lexa's story.**  
 **Thank you again to each and every one of you for reading, reviewing, favoriting and following this story. You guys make me so happy.**

 **Love always,**

 **\- Cam xx**


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